connieamoore: 2010

Saturday, October 23, 2010

What was up today?

Today started out all shiny and bright and ended kind of dull and depressing. Not that unusual but... Could it be me? Hmmm... Everyone I talked with for very long ended up yawning alot. Hmmm... Then, someone I love very much was just plain mean - and that is unusual. The full moon is over... I think, isn't it? Well, tomorrow is another day.

My Best Furry Friend

And those are THE BEST friends, right? Ginger is my little sweetie. She follows me everywhere when I am home. She is usually perched on my shoulders. It is really great in cold weather because she keeps me very warm. Neither one of us were thrilled with my hotflashes, however. She would look at me like I was from outer space when I would spontaneously combust. She doesn't care much for the other cats and they share her sentiments so it is always interesting to me to see when she does play and interact with them. It reminds me that she is a cat. Most of the time, she transcends description for me - she is Ginger - warm body, cuddle bug, soft purr, love and affection Ginger. She is no species or type or breed. She is my best friend.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

My Mother 03.10

This is a photo of my mom from about a year ago. She will celebrate her 84th birthday at the end of this month. I spent the evening with her tonight and she looks very similar to this photo today only a little more frail.

You might think this is not the most flattering picture of her and you might be right. She is a beautiful woman, though. I have seen photos of her when she was a happy-go-lucky teenager and she would take your breath away! She had smooth, milky-white skin and long, deeply dark brunette waves of hair. She was trim and petite and had an infectious smile. I will find one of those photos and post here.

She certainly didn't seem to mind having her picture taken then but she has not enjoyed having her photo taken in my lifetime. She has endured it, but never enjoyed it. She won't smile even when we plead with her and she tries, it is just not really a smile. Life was not as easy for my mother as it looked like it might be when she was that smiling teenager. She only tolerated this shot knowing it was an attempt to lure my brother back to Kentucky to see her. It took a few months - 7 almost 8, actually - but it worked, or at least, it helped. She adores him.

Tonight she wore a hooded sweatshirt that zipped up the front and a t-shirt and her elastic waist pants that she made for herself. She is not as big as a minute. I feel like I might hurt her if I hug her too tightly. She repeats herself and she gets confused. She loves to tell us stories from when she was a little girl growing up on the farm in Robertson County, Kentucky. She tells the same story mostly but that is okay.

She has dementia. Her fine, sharp and clear mind stopped working right. The neurologist said she's been having little strokes or brain attacks for years. She lives with my father who dotes on her and takes very good care of her but he is beginning to get frightened to leave her alone. He doesn't talk to me much about it but he talks to my younger sister who is a nurse. He worries about my mom. They (my parents decided together) took her off the medications because of the side-effects and because they thought the benefits were not worth the expense - $250 per month. My older sister kind of lives with my parents and she also kind of watches out for them but sometimes I fear she may be a bit too close to them to see the situation clearly. How do you know?

I talk with my mother on the phone most everyday. She can get very distraught over some small detail of my life (dental appointments, long work days) that I share with her and will make my father call me before she goes to bed at night to make sure I am okay. I have started editing my conversations so as not to cause her or my father undue stress. The dentist always says I'm good and all my work days are good days. I love them both very much.

Lately my mother worries that she didn't thank one of us for something we did or said or gave them. She will make my dad call one of us to tell us again how much she appreciated whatever it was. I know she is thinking of our last conversation, our last visit, our last hug, our last sight of each other. She lost her first husband and then her first child both very unexpectedly and never knew that moment with either of them. She is very cognizant of this reality now. Everything may be the last thing. I see it in her face. I hear it in her voice.

I saw it when my brother returned to his home after his visit last Fall. She was afraid of not seeing him again. She's trying to smile but it is a grimace. It is pain.

I don't want my mother to hurt or be in pain. I don't want her to be scared or frightened.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Frankfort fog

via flickr.com

Posted via web from connieamoore's posterous

Monday, February 22, 2010

Franklin County Courthouse

via flickr.com

Posted via web from connieamoore's posterous

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Frankfort Cemetery

via flickr.com

Posted via web from connieamoore's posterous

Sunday, February 14, 2010

old barn in Bourbon County, Ky

via flickr.com

This is an hdr image of an old barn I spotted on one of our many bike rides in Bourbon County, Ky. I posted both this jpg version of the image as well as a png on Flickr and this one seems much more rich.

Posted via web from connieamoore's posterous